ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize