I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
