I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
