He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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