His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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