I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
