Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
