Your face is a jimmy john
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
