My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize