it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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