your parents love me but you hate me
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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