you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
