I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
