What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
