I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
