Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
