homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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