im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
