New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
