I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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