i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
