You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
