Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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