Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
