i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
