id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
