are you still at the devil's house?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
