why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
