it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
