gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
