he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
