Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
