First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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