yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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