Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
