Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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