So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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