I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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