I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
