i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
