Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
