The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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