my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who died my cat blue again?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
