all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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