I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
