Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
