In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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