if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
