I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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