i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
