He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
