Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize