Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
