Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize