everyone is single if you try hard enough
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
