my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
