Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
