u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
