Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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