Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
operation harelip BJ is a go
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
