when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize