I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
