Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
