I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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