I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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