suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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